Baby Shower: Saturday, September 22, 2012
Registrants: nick raymond
Description: We will be mining every last ounce of baby waste material for recapturable nutrients, trace minerals, and rare earth metals. Some semiprecious ores will be diverted to the slag pits of northwest Richmond, while viable biological and bacterial matter will be cultured in home labs and mycological research sites throughout the East Bay hills. Finally, all stable carbon molecules will be transferred in tact to a remote particle accelerator, wherein we shall create the world's first dung-based gemstone: the legendary Scheissdiamant of Teutonic lore. Christie's of New York, in conjunction with Hotel Drouot, Paris, is prepared to host a short a series of auctions, should any collectible or precious artifacts result from our labours. Profits from the auctions will, after commissions, omissions, gavel fees, et al., be sequestered in a mattress at a South Berkeley drug den until such time as the child needs or wants something to eat. Alternatively, we could get diapers.
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